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Dear God … Hear my prayer!

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Since the age of 14, Jayme’s life has been hell and she has one person to thank for it, Pastor James Madison.

He stood in the pulpit on Sundays waving the same hands that abused her at night. He glorified God with the same mouth he used to chip away her self-esteem, daily. He was a man of God who had turned her away from the same God he told people they needed to serve.

He was the man who was supposed to pray for, take care of and eventually love her. Instead he preyed on, took advantage of and shattered her heart before it had a chance to truly love someone else.

Now, 14 years and a son later, she finds herself needing God yet she doesn’t know how to reach Him. She longs for God but isn’t sure He can hear a sinner’s prayer until she starts to pray, Dear God…

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EXCERPT:

“Jayme, you will make some mistakes. There will even be days you’re going to lash out and push Jacob away but he will be there.”

“Until he’s not.” I say.

“I’m not going anywhere.” He says coming into the kitchen.

“You say that now but one day your patience will run out. Every day I wake up thinking I am going to fail my son or that I’ll make you hate me because I can’t let you in. I’m trying not too but it’s hard.”

“Where is God Jayme?” His mom asks.

“I wish I knew.”

“He’s right here.” She says touching my chest. “He’s in your heart. You just have to trust that He’ll strengthen you when you’re at your lowest.”

“I’m trying, I promise I am.”

“Can we pray for you?” She asks as Michael and Jace walk into the kitchen.

Jace walks over and grabs my hand. They all surround me and his dad begins to pray and his mom begins speaking in a language I’d never heard of. The more they pray, the harder I cry until I am down on my knees. Jace wraps his arms around me.

“Oh God! Please help me because I am tired and cannot do it anymore.” I hug Jace tighter. After a few minutes I feel hands on my back as Diane begins praying, “Dear God…”

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Daily Devotional – 2/20/18 “Mistakes happen!”

As a writer, I sometimes find myself reading things before I post or publish them, over and over. I will read, line by line to ensure there are no mistakes and wrong place punctuations. Yet, sometimes once I release it for the world to see, I will spot a mistake. This doesn’t mean the work or the post is any less valuable but there are some things I miss and/or messed up. Why am I telling you this? Because no matter how many times you start over, try to be right, read over stuff or even think before you speak; there is a chance you will make a mistake. It happens and regardless of the safeguards set in place, mistakes can happen. For me, I can hire an editor but a mistake can happen. Why? Because there is nothing or nobody perfect but God. Due to this, you’ve got to stop beating yourself up over something that happened. Yes, it happened. Sure, you said you’d never go again. Okay, you called him/her and flesh took over. You drank more than you said you would. You hung out with old friends and did some things you hadn’t done in years. MISTAKES HAPPEN!

And when they happen, it doesn’t mean your effort was in vain; reality is, stuff just happens. However, my question to you is, what are you going to do about it? For me, I edit my body of work or my post and publish again. I get up, dust myself off and try again. I apologize and try again. I own up to my mistakes and try again. I ask God for forgiveness and I try again. I forgive myself and try again. What I don’t do, I don’t count my mistakes because that will drive you crazy. What I do, I try again. What about you? What will you do? You’ve made the mistake, now what? You have to start over again, will you? Understand this ma’am/sir, every mistake you make isn’t a sin. Sometimes you were just plain stubborn, hard head and stupid resulting in your actions costing more than it was worth. Will you forgive yourself? For the bible shares in James 3:2, “Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.” If it were that easy, we’d all be ‘greater than’ but because we’re aren’t, we have to deal with the ‘equal to’ that solves the matter at hand.

Daily Devotional – 2/19/18 “So I prophesied!”

Today, I am changing what I speak. No longer will I wish for things I want, I shall prophesy to them. Today, I am changing my talk from that of suffering to that of sanctification. Today, I will no longer stand around and watch the dead areas of my life but I will prophesy to what God commands. See, when Ezekiel was taken to the valley of bones, he saw what his natural eyes comprehended. He saw bones which signified death. As Ezekiel walked through the valley, his eyes availed him to see dry bones, an indication that the bones had been there for a long time. In fact, human bones can take years to actually dry out so when God asks Ezekiel in Ezekiel 37:3, “Son of man, can these bones live,” Ezekiel answers and says, “Lord GOD, only you know.” His answer isn’t suggestive of him not believing but he’s looking at what is in front of him. If it were you, standing in a valley of bones that have been there for longer than a decade, what would your answer be? Yet God says in Ezekiel 37:9, “Speak a prophetic message to the winds, son of man. Speak a prophetic message and say, ‘this is what the Sovereign LORD says: Come, O breath, from the four winds! Breathe into these dead bodies so they may live again.’”

At first, Ezekiel places the matter back into God’s hands (God, only you know) but now God is placing the matter into Ezekiel’s mouth, “Speak a prophetic message son of man.” Thus leading me to ask beloved, what dead thing are you looking at that God has commanded you to prophesy too? What area of your life has God commanded you to speak to yet you’re being deceived by your natural eyes? Because Ezekiel declares in verse 10, “So I spoke the message as he commanded me, and breath came into their bodies. They all came to life and stood up on their feet–a great army.” It doesn’t matter what it looks like, with God’s power and your strength to prophesy that which is meant to live will. In this valley were the bones of folk who were disgraced, even after death. I know this because in Israel, being unburied was a disgrace to the dead. But God has the power and gives you the ability to prophesy and raise up what others have thrown away, shamed, discredited and/or humiliated. All you have to do is be willing to open your mouth. As for me; what you thought was dead, what you tried to shame, what your words tried to dishonor and your actions condemn; I’ll just stand there and declare, “SO I PROPHESIED” and watch it resurrect. So I’ll prophesy and watch what you said wouldn’t survive, live. So I prophesied…

Daily Devotional – 2/15/18 “Have mercy God!”

Y’all, there is something wrong. When another teenager can take a loaded rifle into a school and murder others, there is something wrong. When violence, in our communities are on the rise, there is something wrong. When the prison systems are being filled to capacity yet there is no money for reforming our youth AND adults, there is something wrong. When a person can get harsher punishment for marijuana than they can for murder and molestation, something is wrong. When bars are filled but parent/teacher meetings are empty, there is something wrong. When casinos are packed but not worship service, there is something wrong. Please understand, this isn’t a religious problem; it’s a world problem. Yes, prayer changes things but the bible says without work, faith is dead. Sure, your prayers are good when I’m going through but one time, can you come and see about me? Yes, I thank you for posting your condolences on my Facebook wall but will you show up and offer me a shoulder to lean on? I appreciate your congratulations but can I also get some support? Of course, likes and shares are good but will you reach out when you see my language changing instead of taking a screenshot and putting it in a group text?

I guess what I am asking is, will you notice if I wasn’t having a good day? Would you notice if I wasn’t acting like myself? Could you read between the lines and decipher my cry for help? Do you not get that even on Valentine’s Day, there were people suicidal? Do you not understand the many children who are contemplating suicide because nobody is taking their cries of help seriously? Do you not grasp the many women and men who are living in hostile environments? Do you not comprehend the many pastors and ministry leaders who can barely afford to pay their bills yet they show up, well put together and with a message to help you? All I want you to understand is this. There are people who look well on the outside but slowly dying on the inside and they are afraid to ask for help. There are people you work with, every day, who are functioning alcoholics. There are teachers who hide a stash of pills because they need them to make it through the day. There are leaders who are fearful of failing so they’ll do anything to succeed. Something is wrong y’all and if you just happen to be one of the ones who is doing fine, at this moment, help somebody else. But if you’re the one who needs help, ask for it.

Daily Devotional – 2/14/18 “Love is …”

On this Valentine Day, I will not spend the time telling you what you should or shouldn’t do or feel. Instead, I’ll share with you what the bible says about love.

“If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

-1 Corinthians 13:1-13

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!