“It’s not like that. I’m just tired of all the confusion and Merci, you’re the only daughter I have left. Look, I know it’s hard but God says we must forgive.”
I chuckle. “You always did like quoting the bible when it’s convenient for you. I’ll pass though. Good night.”
“Merci, we’ve all made mistakes. Maybe I was wrong for what I said about you and forbidding Warren from seeing you, but I didn’t mean any harm.” Marie interjects.
“There’s that word again. Look lady, spare me. Warren is a grown man who can make decisions for himself. However, like usual, all I’ve ever received from any of you is harm and it’s all I continually get, so I’ll pass on mending fences but enjoy your dinner. And Marie, you never have to worry about me wanting a relationship with Warren. He is neither a man nor a father figure. As a matter of fact, all y’all deserve each other and the greatest part of life for me; I don’t have to be a part of it.”
I turn and come face to face with Melvin and Warren.
“Merci, I’m sorry.” Warren stammers, coming close to me. “I never should have allowed Marie or anybody to stop me from being in your life. I know I haven’t proved to be much of a father but I’d like that to change. Yes, we’re trying to make amends and rebuild our friendship but I’d also like an opportunity to be a father to you. ”
“I must be getting punked!” I say looking around. “Sir, I’d rather pluck out every hair on my arm than stand here and listen to another excuse, empty apology, unasked for lie and faithless scripture from either of you.”
Has fear of the past ever kept you stagnant? Ever felt like you were been chased but didn’t see nobody?
Get your copy!
Magnolia is a 32 year old female who was recently asked to lead the congregants of a growing church in Memphis, TN. She thought she’d be happy but as soon as the words, “We want you to lead…” left the mouth of Senior Pastor, Lucas Carrington, fear set in.
It isn’t fear of the position because Magnolia has been under the leadership of Pastor Carrington for five years. It isn’t even fear of being the church’s first woman pastor. Her fear is the secret she’s carrying. Her secret … Magnolia is being chased.
Chased – pursued in order to catch.
Magnolia is being chased by the demons of her past and it is the one thing she can’t get away from. No matter how much she prays and fast or the many times she lays on the altar, she cannot outrun it.
But she’s tired.
Tired of running but afraid of being caught. Will Magnolia finally surrender to stop the chase or will her fear be too hard to face?
Get your copy!
Dear God … Hear my prayer!
Since the age of 14, Jayme’s life has been hell and she has one person to thank for it, Pastor James Madison.
He stood in the pulpit on Sundays waving the same hands that abused her at night. He glorified God with the same mouth he used to chip away her self-esteem, daily. He was a man of God who had turned her away from the same God he told people they needed to serve.
He was the man who was supposed to pray for, take care of and eventually love her. Instead he preyed on, took advantage of and shattered her heart before it had a chance to truly love someone else.
Now, 14 years and a son later, she finds herself needing God yet she doesn’t know how to reach Him. She longs for God but isn’t sure He can hear a sinner’s prayer until she starts to pray, Dear God…
“Jayme, you will make some mistakes. There will even be days you’re going to lash out and push Jacob away but he will be there.”
“Until he’s not.” I say.
“I’m not going anywhere.” He says coming into the kitchen.
“You say that now but one day your patience will run out. Every day I wake up thinking I am going to fail my son or that I’ll make you hate me because I can’t let you in. I’m trying not too but it’s hard.”
“Where is God Jayme?” His mom asks.
“I wish I knew.”
“He’s right here.” She says touching my chest. “He’s in your heart. You just have to trust that He’ll strengthen you when you’re at your lowest.”
“I’m trying, I promise I am.”
“Can we pray for you?” She asks as Michael and Jace walk into the kitchen.
Jace walks over and grabs my hand. They all surround me and his dad begins to pray and his mom begins speaking in a language I’d never heard of. The more they pray, the harder I cry until I am down on my knees. Jace wraps his arms around me.
“Oh God! Please help me because I am tired and cannot do it anymore.” I hug Jace tighter. After a few minutes I feel hands on my back as Diane begins praying, “Dear God…”