Daily Devotional – 8/11/17 “Can you hear Him now?”

We watched another movie in class on last night and this one was called The Sunset Limited. An hour and a half movie featuring Samuel L. Jackson and Tommie Lee Jones sitting in the apartment of Jackson after he’d stopped Jones from trying to commit suicide. [Oh, Jones didn’t believe in God.] I will not go into the full movie (you need to watch it) but there was one thing Jackson said that I had to share. He said to Jones, “You don’t have to be virtuous in order to hear God speak, you just need to be quiet!” Listen, many times we mistakenly think we have to be on some sort of spiritual level in order to hear from God. We think it takes speaking in tongue, being able to shout, prophecy or lead intercessory prayer. We think we need to have everything straight and be perfect in our being. But who is perfect, other than God? Yes, we are all called to be virtuous, that’s having high morals, however, if today is the day you happen to lack virtue, God can still speak to you. If today just happens to be a day you don’t feel like being virtuous, God can still speak to you. If you were to make a mistake today, God can still speak to you. You simply need to be quiet long enough to hear Him.

Listen, I get it; there will be some days you will not feel like being morally correct and you are entitled but don’t think you cannot hear from God. Beloved, I was a jacked up, good for nothing, raggedy, mess of a person yet God still spoke to me. I was set in my ways, attitude on ten, could curse with the best of them yet God still spoke. AND I HEARD HIM! It wasn’t because I was morally good, all the time, but it was those days I hushed and listened. Even when I could not understand why God would use me, I shut up and listened. Even when I found myself running from Him, there were nights I had no choice but to listen. God does not speak because you are good but He speaks because of your potential to be. You simply need to be quiet to listen. How will you know it’s God? Well, the bible says in John 10:27, “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.”

Daily Devotional – 8/10/17 “Greater to greatness!”

A while back, at my sister’s church, her pastor told me something that I haven’t forgotten. He said, “God will elevate you when you appreciate where you are.” I didn’t have to think about what he was saying because I already knew he was talking about ministry. It’s not that I didn’t appreciate where I was but I was at a point of asking God, “What now?” This was because I didn’t feel like I was doing enough, spiritually. I would have conversations (not prayers) with God because I felt like I was just sitting idle but then he words rung in my ear and I said, “Marcy (that’s my nickname), you have to appreciate where you are before you can move to where you want to be.” This entire time I’d been asking God to move me to greater when truth is, every day I walk in the anointing of God, I’m in greater. Every time my eyes open and I see a roof over my head, I’m in greater. Every night when I don’t have to go to bed hungry, I am in greater. And in due time, with appreciation and gratefulness, God will elevate me to greatness.

See, -er is a suffix used in forming nouns to label a person from the thing of their occupation or labor. For example, calling me a minister/preacher lets you know I work within the field of ministry. However, -ness is the suffix that means the state of the original adjective. i.e. Greatness means I am great. What does this mean Lakisha? Well this means, in greater I preach the word but in greatness, I live the word. Greater means I have to label myself but in greatness I am branded by God. In greater, you need my resume but in greatness, the anointing speaks for me. In greater, I have to ask but in greatness my seat is already reserved. In greater, titles may work but in greatness, my faith does the heavy lifting. Yes, I know you’re ready to be promoted but appreciate your now position. I know you’re ready for your own house but how well are you appreciating where you are? Yes, you are eager for your own car but are you appreciative of the rides you’re getting? Yeah, you’re ready to pastor a church but are you appreciating being minister? You’re ready to own your business but have you truly appreciated where you are? Greater is telling your dreams but greatness is living them.

Daily Devotional – 8/9/17 “Me today maybe you tomorrow!”

I wrote a devotional, three years ago today and it started like this … “Why do you find it easy to put your mouth on folk? Why do you find it cool to talk about somebody else? Why do you feel the need to comment about everything and everybody? Aren’t you old enough now to be acting your age and not your shoe size?” – And the sad reality of today, three years later, this is still relevant because we find it easy to bully, speak on what we don’t know, criticize what we cannot explain and condemn what you don’t think is right. When did we stop caring whether or not our brother/sisters are perishing? When did it become okay to put your mouth on folk because you can? When did it become cool to judge me as guilty until proven innocent? Ma’am, you have no basis to put your mouth on me simply because your car cost more than mine when they both serve the same purpose. Sir, you have no right to compare my subsidized housing to your 5 bedroom house when they both give us roofs over our heads. Yea, you may be eating steak and I got ground beef but we are both fed. Yea, your shoes may cost more than mine but aren’t both of our feet covered?

What I am really trying to say is, HUSH! You don’t know what the next person is going through. Stop asking when she will have a baby when you don’t know the struggle she has been dealing with having a closed womb. Stop asking when she/he will get married when you cannot begin to understand their daily struggle of trying to get over their last relationship. Quit telling folk they will not succeed without a college degree when you don’t know their underlying struggle of barely making it through high school. Stop telling folk they will go to hell for not tithing when they’ve never been taught how to handle finances correctly. Stop putting your mouth on folk. It doesn’t matter if you are close and know what’s going on, hush. Can you not just show up and be there? Can you not just say I’m praying for you? Can you not just text and say I believe in you, I’m proud of you or I see you working hard? Can you not just hush? Everything does not warrant you giving your two cents. Sometimes she may just be posting because it is her only outlet. Sometimes he may just shut down because that’s his way of dealing with stuff. You have no right to judge because today it may be them but in a minute it could be you.

Daily Devotional – 8/8/17 “What are you contributing?”

What are you contributing to your relationships, worship place, career, health, family, etc.? What part are you playing? I, seriously, need you to think about this for a moment because many times we blame others for things not working but what are you doing? Please understand me … I am in no way criticizing, judging neither am I trying to condemn; I am simply asking a question. See, when a relationship fails, if you know what you’ve contributed (good and bad), you can walk away with your head held high because you did your best. When things don’t work out and you have to sever ties with your place of worship, knowing you contributed all you could, allows you leave with your hands and heart clean. When you leave a job, after giving it your best, you don’t worry about the reference. Yes, I know that sometimes you can give the best of you and still be left hurt, torn and battered but God rewards those who seek to do good. This is why the bible says in Galatians 6:7-10, “Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.”

Beloved, this question may not seem like much but it is heavy. If you were standing before the bank president who has the final decision on whether your loan can be approved and he/she asked, “What are you contributing,” how would you answer? If you were standing before God and He asked, “What have been your contributions,” what would you say? You have to be able to answer this question because then it shows you know you and how beneficial you are. Yes, we are all parts of the body of Christ and we have a responsibility to contribute. However, it does you no good if you don’t know what your part is. When you know, it is then you can understand the value of your worth. Now, don’t write down all of your responsibilities and then go demanding you be paid more or start throwing your weight around, this isn’t what I mean. Yes, you may contribute a lot but that doesn’t mean you cannot be replaced. Act decently and in order. Look, all I want you to get out of this is … know what your contribution is. That is it. It just makes better sense when you know.

Short Story!

For those of you who may not know, I feature a short story in my Facebook reading group on Mondays (#messymonday), Wednesdays (#wildnoutwednesday) and Fridays (#freakierfriday).

 

Here is Monday’s story. To read the rest, visit my group Twins Write 2. You can search by the story title. This week’s story is “Game On!”

 

#messymonday

“Game on!”

 

“Lillie! Lillie, damn wake up!” My husband Blair screamed.

 

“Why are you yelling?” I ask looking at the clock.

 

“Did you get my clothes from the cleaners?”

 

“Yes, they are in your closet where they always are.”

 

“No they are not. Damn, can you do anything right?”

 

I sigh before throwing the comforter back and getting up. Stumping over to his closet, I open the door and grab the bag.

 

“Here. Why are you up so early?”

 

“I have a meeting at the office.”

 

“It’s only 5:30.”

 

“And it’s only my business. Stop questioning me. When your ass get a job maybe you will understand waking up early.” He spat.

 

“Nigga, no you didn’t go there. I had a job, remember, you were the one who told me to quit.”

 

“That’s when I thought you would make a good housewife but we both know that isn’t the case.”

 

“Oh,” I laugh. “If I am such a lousy wife then by all means, find somebody better.”

 

“Don’t tempt me.”

 

“I’m not. You aren’t doing me any favors boo.”

 

This time he laughs. “Oh, so you think you can survive without me?”

 

“Look Blair, I don’t know what has gotten into you lately but you need to go on and leave me alone before you wish for something you’ll regret.”

 

“Like what? A lazy, fat, nappy headed wife. Baby, you would not survive without me?” He says raising his voice.

 

“Call me what you like but if you don’t like what you have, you can always upgrade. My feelings won’t be hurt, I can promise you. Hell, you are barely here and all I get from you is your weekly deposit in the bank. So, yes, I can survive without you.”

 

“We will see.” He says.

 

“What does that mean?”

 

“Just what I said. You must not remember me finding you in that little dingy ass café in Mississippi?”

 

“Oh, the same place that kept you fed while you were in school, most of the time free of charge. Ok Mr. High and Mighty.”

 

“I’m just saying. You had nothing when you met me.”

 

“Okay Blair.”

 

“And without me, you’ll have nothing.” He says grabbing his suit jacket.

 

“Do you see a look of fear on my face? You might just find that you’re the one not needed.”

 

“Don’t wait up.”

 

“Had no plans too.”

 

When he leaves, I get back in the bed and cover up. “Turn the light out on your way out and don’t wake the baby.”

 

 

–Three hours later–

 

 

“Look who is up and waiting on mommy?” I say to BJ who is cooing in his crib when I walk in. I pick him up and carry him over to the changing station. Taking off his pamper, I walk into the bathroom that is attached to his room and run some water in the sink. I was so glad we added the custom features to the house during the building phase. Having the bathroom in his room and the extra-large sink made getting him ready so much easier.

 

Blair and I were excited to start a family and having Blair Jr. three months ago solidified it for me. I don’t know what has gotten into Blair lately though because he’s been throwing shots like I cannot manage to live without him.

 

I hear my phone ding in the other room but I don’t bother with it until I am done with his bath.

 

After dressing the baby, I sit in the rocker and get him latched before I grab my phone.

 

Hazel: Hey, I just saw Blair. He’s looking at apartments downtown. Everything okay?

Me: Girl, pray for him.

Hazel: I’m serious Lil, what is going on?

Me: I don’t know and right now I am not about to try.

Hazel: I’ll be over tonight.

Me: Okay.

 

I put the phone down and look into BJ’s face. “If your dad thinks I will beg him, he obviously doesn’t know Lillian Ann Weaver.”

 

After laying BJ down, I grab the monitor and go downstairs to the gym. I spend about an hour working out before going back upstairs to shower. I peep in and BJ is still asleep.

 

I shower, get dressed and spend the rest of the day doing what I always do before grabbing the baby and heading out.

 

“Can I help you?”

 

“Yes, I need to check the balance on this account.” I say handing the clerk my bank card and id.

 

“One moment.” She taps on the keyboard before sliding me a slip with the balance.

 

I take it and when I see the balance, I smile.

 

“Is there anything else I can help you with?”

 

“No ma’am.” I say.

 

“Ma’am, you know you can check your balance online at our website.”

 

“Yes, I know. Have a great day.”

 

I stop by the trash and tear up the slip. Getting back to the car, I put the baby into his car seat before heading to see Hazel. When I walk in the back door of the restaurant, she is yelling like always.

 

“Ma’am, all that screaming can cause a stroke.” I say behind her.

 

“Lillie, girl, what are you doing here?” She asks pulling me into a hug. “I told you I was coming by tonight.”

 

“You still can but the baby and I were out and decided to stop by.”

 

“Come on to my office.”

 

We get to her office and I spread out a blanket on the couch to lay BJ.

 

“Lil, what is going on with you and Blair?”

 

“In all honesty, I don’t know. I think he’s cheating because he’s been making snide remarks lately about my weight, my hair and the way I keep the house.”

 

“Um, nothing is wrong with you.”

 

“I know but it is apparent that someone has him thinking otherwise.”

 

“Is that why he is looking at apartments?”

 

“Yea. He’s trying to prove that I need him.”

 

“So, I am guessing you never told him about the money your grandfather left you or about the fact you co-own this place?”

 

“Hell no. He doesn’t deserve to know.”

 

“What are you going to do?”

 

“I’m going to do what I’ve always done, take care of me and now, BJ.”

 

“Well, you know I am here for you.”

 

“Of course. Now, fix me something to eat.”

 

 

–5:30PM–

 

 

I pull down the street to see a truck in the driveway. I pull next to it and get out. I see the baby’s crib and changing table. “What thee–” I start walking towards the front door when I see some men coming out with boxes with Blair behind them.

 

“Blair, what is going on? What is all this?”

 

“This is me proving you can’t live without me.”

 

“Blair, you need to stop this foolishness.”

 

“It’s not foolishness sweetheart.”

 

“Yes it is, otherwise you wouldn’t be moving out.”

 

“I’m not, you are.” He says handing me some keys and an envelope.

 

I laugh.

 

“Here is the address and the keys to your apartment. This nice gentleman, here, will be helping you with all your things.”

 

“You do understand that once this game is started, there is no going back right?”

 

“I’m aware, I made the rules.”

 

“Well, game on sir.”

 

He closes the door and leaves me standing there.

 

I smile and turn to the gentleman standing there.

 

“Hey, I’m Lillian Weaver but you can call me Lillie.”

 

“Lillie, I’m Perry and I can follow you to the new address if you’d like.”

 

“That will be perfect. Thank you.”

 

I get to the apartment and it is really nice. There are 2 bedrooms, each with their own bath. It is much smaller than what I’ve become used too but just right for the baby and I.

 

Perry and his crew begin to bring in my things. Blair sent most of the baby’s furniture and all of our clothes but that’s it.

 

“Lillie, do you have more furniture coming?”

 

“No, why do you asks?”

 

“Well your husband only sent these things. There is no bedroom, living room or kitchen items.”

 

“That’s okay. I will get some on tomorrow.”

 

“Are you sure? What will you sleep on?”

 

“I will be fine Perry. I’ve been taking care of myself since I was fifteen.”

 

“I just feel bad about leaving you like this.”

 

“I will be fine but do you have a card? In case I need your services.”

 

“Sure and I will write my cell on the back. If you need help with anything, please call.”

 

“Will do.”

 

 

–Friday–

 

 

I was back at Hazel’s restaurant. I left BJ asleep in his pack and play in the office while I walked out front. Hazel was short staffed so she asked me to work the front until her evening hostess could come in.

 

When I get back out, I look up to see Blair and a young lady coming through the door.

 

“Table for 2?”

 

“Lillie, you’re slumming it already? That didn’t take long.” He laughs. “Yes, table for 2.”

 

I grab menus and walk them to their table. Once they are seated, the girl with him looks me up and down.

 

“Can I get a glass of Merlot, chilled to room temperature?” She asks. “And make sure my glass isn’t dirty.”

 

Blair smiles as I turn to walk off.

 

When I walk to the bar, Hazel is standing there with her arms folded.

 

“That motherfucker got some nerves. What he is thinking?”

 

“He thinks he’s winning.”

 

“Lil, please let me burst his bubble.”

 

“In due time grasshopper. In due time. Right now, let him play the game.”

 

“Give me a glass of Merlot.” I tell the bartender. “And make sure the glass is clean.”

 

When he hands it to me, I slide on the bar stool and take a sip. “Game on Mr. Weaver, game on.”

 

15591326_1266177496762818_8835940992662101036_o