Daily Devotional – 8/8/17 “What are you contributing?”

What are you contributing to your relationships, worship place, career, health, family, etc.? What part are you playing? I, seriously, need you to think about this for a moment because many times we blame others for things not working but what are you doing? Please understand me … I am in no way criticizing, judging neither am I trying to condemn; I am simply asking a question. See, when a relationship fails, if you know what you’ve contributed (good and bad), you can walk away with your head held high because you did your best. When things don’t work out and you have to sever ties with your place of worship, knowing you contributed all you could, allows you leave with your hands and heart clean. When you leave a job, after giving it your best, you don’t worry about the reference. Yes, I know that sometimes you can give the best of you and still be left hurt, torn and battered but God rewards those who seek to do good. This is why the bible says in Galatians 6:7-10, “Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.”

Beloved, this question may not seem like much but it is heavy. If you were standing before the bank president who has the final decision on whether your loan can be approved and he/she asked, “What are you contributing,” how would you answer? If you were standing before God and He asked, “What have been your contributions,” what would you say? You have to be able to answer this question because then it shows you know you and how beneficial you are. Yes, we are all parts of the body of Christ and we have a responsibility to contribute. However, it does you no good if you don’t know what your part is. When you know, it is then you can understand the value of your worth. Now, don’t write down all of your responsibilities and then go demanding you be paid more or start throwing your weight around, this isn’t what I mean. Yes, you may contribute a lot but that doesn’t mean you cannot be replaced. Act decently and in order. Look, all I want you to get out of this is … know what your contribution is. That is it. It just makes better sense when you know.

Short Story!

For those of you who may not know, I feature a short story in my Facebook reading group on Mondays (#messymonday), Wednesdays (#wildnoutwednesday) and Fridays (#freakierfriday).

 

Here is Monday’s story. To read the rest, visit my group Twins Write 2. You can search by the story title. This week’s story is “Game On!”


 

#messymonday

“Game on!”

 

“Lillie! Lillie, damn wake up!” My husband Blair screamed.

 

“Why are you yelling?” I ask looking at the clock.

 

“Did you get my clothes from the cleaners?”

 

“Yes, they are in your closet where they always are.”

 

“No they are not. Damn, can you do anything right?”

 

I sigh before throwing the comforter back and getting up. Stumping over to his closet, I open the door and grab the bag.

 

“Here. Why are you up so early?”

 

“I have a meeting at the office.”

 

“It’s only 5:30.”

 

“And it’s only my business. Stop questioning me. When your ass get a job maybe you will understand waking up early.” He spat.

 

“Nigga, no you didn’t go there. I had a job, remember, you were the one who told me to quit.”

 

“That’s when I thought you would make a good housewife but we both know that isn’t the case.”

 

“Oh,” I laugh. “If I am such a lousy wife then by all means, find somebody better.”

 

“Don’t tempt me.”

 

“I’m not. You aren’t doing me any favors boo.”

 

This time he laughs. “Oh, so you think you can survive without me?”

 

“Look Blair, I don’t know what has gotten into you lately but you need to go on and leave me alone before you wish for something you’ll regret.”

 

“Like what? A lazy, fat, nappy headed wife. Baby, you would not survive without me?” He says raising his voice.

 

“Call me what you like but if you don’t like what you have, you can always upgrade. My feelings won’t be hurt, I can promise you. Hell, you are barely here and all I get from you is your weekly deposit in the bank. So, yes, I can survive without you.”

 

“We will see.” He says.

 

“What does that mean?”

 

“Just what I said. You must not remember me finding you in that little dingy ass café in Mississippi?”

 

“Oh, the same place that kept you fed while you were in school, most of the time free of charge. Ok Mr. High and Mighty.”

 

“I’m just saying. You had nothing when you met me.”

 

“Okay Blair.”

 

“And without me, you’ll have nothing.” He says grabbing his suit jacket.

 

“Do you see a look of fear on my face? You might just find that you’re the one not needed.”

 

“Don’t wait up.”

 

“Had no plans too.”

 

When he leaves, I get back in the bed and cover up. “Turn the light out on your way out and don’t wake the baby.”

 

 

–Three hours later–

 

 

“Look who is up and waiting on mommy?” I say to BJ who is cooing in his crib when I walk in. I pick him up and carry him over to the changing station. Taking off his pamper, I walk into the bathroom that is attached to his room and run some water in the sink. I was so glad we added the custom features to the house during the building phase. Having the bathroom in his room and the extra-large sink made getting him ready so much easier.

 

Blair and I were excited to start a family and having Blair Jr. three months ago solidified it for me. I don’t know what has gotten into Blair lately though because he’s been throwing shots like I cannot manage to live without him.

 

I hear my phone ding in the other room but I don’t bother with it until I am done with his bath.

 

After dressing the baby, I sit in the rocker and get him latched before I grab my phone.

 

Hazel: Hey, I just saw Blair. He’s looking at apartments downtown. Everything okay?

Me: Girl, pray for him.

Hazel: I’m serious Lil, what is going on?

Me: I don’t know and right now I am not about to try.

Hazel: I’ll be over tonight.

Me: Okay.

 

I put the phone down and look into BJ’s face. “If your dad thinks I will beg him, he obviously doesn’t know Lillian Ann Weaver.”

 

After laying BJ down, I grab the monitor and go downstairs to the gym. I spend about an hour working out before going back upstairs to shower. I peep in and BJ is still asleep.

 

I shower, get dressed and spend the rest of the day doing what I always do before grabbing the baby and heading out.

 

“Can I help you?”

 

“Yes, I need to check the balance on this account.” I say handing the clerk my bank card and id.

 

“One moment.” She taps on the keyboard before sliding me a slip with the balance.

 

I take it and when I see the balance, I smile.

 

“Is there anything else I can help you with?”

 

“No ma’am.” I say.

 

“Ma’am, you know you can check your balance online at our website.”

 

“Yes, I know. Have a great day.”

 

I stop by the trash and tear up the slip. Getting back to the car, I put the baby into his car seat before heading to see Hazel. When I walk in the back door of the restaurant, she is yelling like always.

 

“Ma’am, all that screaming can cause a stroke.” I say behind her.

 

“Lillie, girl, what are you doing here?” She asks pulling me into a hug. “I told you I was coming by tonight.”

 

“You still can but the baby and I were out and decided to stop by.”

 

“Come on to my office.”

 

We get to her office and I spread out a blanket on the couch to lay BJ.

 

“Lil, what is going on with you and Blair?”

 

“In all honesty, I don’t know. I think he’s cheating because he’s been making snide remarks lately about my weight, my hair and the way I keep the house.”

 

“Um, nothing is wrong with you.”

 

“I know but it is apparent that someone has him thinking otherwise.”

 

“Is that why he is looking at apartments?”

 

“Yea. He’s trying to prove that I need him.”

 

“So, I am guessing you never told him about the money your grandfather left you or about the fact you co-own this place?”

 

“Hell no. He doesn’t deserve to know.”

 

“What are you going to do?”

 

“I’m going to do what I’ve always done, take care of me and now, BJ.”

 

“Well, you know I am here for you.”

 

“Of course. Now, fix me something to eat.”

 

 

–5:30PM–

 

 

I pull down the street to see a truck in the driveway. I pull next to it and get out. I see the baby’s crib and changing table. “What thee–” I start walking towards the front door when I see some men coming out with boxes with Blair behind them.

 

“Blair, what is going on? What is all this?”

 

“This is me proving you can’t live without me.”

 

“Blair, you need to stop this foolishness.”

 

“It’s not foolishness sweetheart.”

 

“Yes it is, otherwise you wouldn’t be moving out.”

 

“I’m not, you are.” He says handing me some keys and an envelope.

 

I laugh.

 

“Here is the address and the keys to your apartment. This nice gentleman, here, will be helping you with all your things.”

 

“You do understand that once this game is started, there is no going back right?”

 

“I’m aware, I made the rules.”

 

“Well, game on sir.”

 

He closes the door and leaves me standing there.

 

I smile and turn to the gentleman standing there.

 

“Hey, I’m Lillian Weaver but you can call me Lillie.”

 

“Lillie, I’m Perry and I can follow you to the new address if you’d like.”

 

“That will be perfect. Thank you.”

 

I get to the apartment and it is really nice. There are 2 bedrooms, each with their own bath. It is much smaller than what I’ve become used too but just right for the baby and I.

 

Perry and his crew begin to bring in my things. Blair sent most of the baby’s furniture and all of our clothes but that’s it.

 

“Lillie, do you have more furniture coming?”

 

“No, why do you asks?”

 

“Well your husband only sent these things. There is no bedroom, living room or kitchen items.”

 

“That’s okay. I will get some on tomorrow.”

 

“Are you sure? What will you sleep on?”

 

“I will be fine Perry. I’ve been taking care of myself since I was fifteen.”

 

“I just feel bad about leaving you like this.”

 

“I will be fine but do you have a card? In case I need your services.”

 

“Sure and I will write my cell on the back. If you need help with anything, please call.”

 

“Will do.”

 

 

–Friday–

 

 

I was back at Hazel’s restaurant. I left BJ asleep in his pack and play in the office while I walked out front. Hazel was short staffed so she asked me to work the front until her evening hostess could come in.

 

When I get back out, I look up to see Blair and a young lady coming through the door.

 

“Table for 2?”

 

“Lillie, you’re slumming it already? That didn’t take long.” He laughs. “Yes, table for 2.”

 

I grab menus and walk them to their table. Once they are seated, the girl with him looks me up and down.

 

“Can I get a glass of Merlot, chilled to room temperature?” She asks. “And make sure my glass isn’t dirty.”

 

Blair smiles as I turn to walk off.

 

When I walk to the bar, Hazel is standing there with her arms folded.

 

“That motherfucker got some nerves. What he is thinking?”

 

“He thinks he’s winning.”

 

“Lil, please let me burst his bubble.”

 

“In due time grasshopper. In due time. Right now, let him play the game.”

 

“Give me a glass of Merlot.” I tell the bartender. “And make sure the glass is clean.”

 

When he hands it to me, I slide on the bar stool and take a sip. “Game on Mr. Weaver, game on.”

 

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Daily Devotional – 8/4/17 “New eyes!”

Last night in class, Redemptive Cinema, we watched the movie The Matrix. I had seen the movie before, a long time ago, yet this time it was different. This time when I watched it, I did so through spiritual eyes and everything I missed before was clear now. I did not realize how spiritually relatable this movie actually was. From the name of the ship (Nebuchadnezzar) to the correlations of the overall theme (prophecy, hope, etc.); it was all spiritual but I missed it the first time. Why? Because my eyes were only registering the natural. Oh but when I begin to look through the spiritual, a lot of things I thought were one way, were actually different. I no longer saw things the same because I was able to now see people for who they truly are and stuff for what it was. And it’s the same for you. See, when you look through natural eyes you see lust masquerading as love but spiritual eyes will show you true love. With natural eyes you see green grass but in your spiritual eyes you’ll see it’s just a patch of dirt painted green. In your natural eyes you’ll see trust but in your spiritual eyes you’ll see it is a temptation. In your natural eyes you’ll see marriage material but in your spiritual eyes you will see it is just misery looking for company. In the natural, you will see a contract but in the spiritual, you will see it is just a con.

The bible says in Matthew 6:22-23, “The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!” How is your vision beloved? Are you seeing things/people clearly or is your focus off? What are you seeing? You may want to check your eyes because they may be the reason everything around you looks dark. Yea, it might just be your eyes deceiving you that has you thinking nobody can be trusted. It may just be your eyes sending you in the wrong direction. How’s your vision? Do you find yourself bumping into stuff? You might need new eyes. Do you occasionally have a hard time reading things/people? You might need new eyes. Having trouble figuring out stuff? You might need new eyes. If you do, don’t feel bad because we all need to have our eyes check, every now and then. This is why my prayer is like Psalm 119:18, “Open my eyes to see the wonderful truths in your instructions.” And there is nothing wrong with admitting you need new eyes but there is definitely something wrong with acting like the old ones still work.

Daily Devotional – 8/3/17 “You’re happy but is it right!”

Beloved, just do what makes you happy. LIES! Do what you know is right. Look, what would make me happy right now is a double cheeseburger with everything (extra onions), some fries and a coke. However, this extra, unhealthy weight knows what’s right for me is a turkey sandwich and apple slices. Driving off the lot with a 2017 mustang with all the bells and whistles and 20 miles, would make me happy but I know that a 2015 with the bells no whistles and 20K miles fits within my budget and is right. I know cussing you who always got something to say about everything that is no business of yours would make me happy but smiling while inwardly praying for you is what is right. Yea, I could do what makes me happy but it will be no benefit to me. People of God, I can no longer just tell you to do what makes you happy when I know it’s not right. I mean, quitting your job might make you happy but staying to receive that direct deposit is what’s right. Sleeping with that sexy guy or girl, who knows all the right things to say, may temporarily make you happy but making up with your spouse is what you know is right. Staying in that place of worship where everybody knows your name and appeases your faults, makes you happy but being somewhere that can push you to your destiny is what’s right.

And you know it but it is easier to hold on to the happy and harder to grasp what is right. Even the bible says in 1 Corinthians 10:23, “You say, “I am allowed to do anything”–but not everything is good for you. You say, “I am allowed to do anything”–but not everything is beneficial.” So, I have to ask … what are you holding on too that makes you happy but it also makes you hurt. What are you making excuses for that makes you happy but is also hindering your progress? What/who are you cuddling with that makes you happy yet it’s harming your spirit? You don’t have to answer at this moment, take the time to think about it. And please understand, there are some things that are right AND will make you happy but you will never know this unless you first let go of what has made you comfortable. Find your right and your happiness but don’t sacrifice one for the other. If you do, you may find yourself, years from now, regretting the time that you’ve wasted and can no longer get back. Do what makes you happy but only if it’s right. I wrote this in my paper for class but it fits here too. “Go with your heart but only if it is in God. Trust what you believe but only if your belief is grounded in God. View things through the spirituality of your eyes and not the natural and guard your thoughts so they do not wander.” Do what makes you happy, not that which makes you a hypocrite.

Daily Devotional – 8/2/17 “He must increase”

A follower of my blog asked if I have ever done a devotional on John 3:30 that says, “He must increase, but I must decrease.” I knew right off that I had not so I began to read. I had no plans to write it as the devotional today but God did. Is God not amazing? See, in John 3, John the Baptist has been baptizing in one area while Jesus was baptizing in another. A few of John’s disciples and an unnamed Jew began arguing over the issue of baptizing. The bible doesn’t say what the argument was about but we can surmise it was over the number of people because John 3:26 says, “Look, Rabbi, the One who was with you beyond the Jordan, whom you testified about—He is baptizing, and everyone is going to Him.” Yet John wasn’t moved because he responds by testifying about Jesus. He lets the disciples know that all he has done has been by the grace extended to him from heaven. He so powerfully says in John 3:29-30, “The one who has the bride is the bridegroom. The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom’s voice. Therefore this joy of mine is now complete. He must increase, but I must decrease.”

John says, in other words, I was simply the best man/maid of honor whose responsibility was to handle the details of the wedding and deliver the bride to the groom. Now that the bride has shown up, my place is at their side. And this is how we are supposed to be as men and women of God. The presence of God in our lives ought to overshadow everything else. See, John the Baptist had the responsibility of the congregants of the ‘wedding’ until the bride showed up, he did that, so he had no reason to be upset when they took their eyes off him and placed them on Jesus. This is why John says “my joy has been fulfilled.” He’d done his part so he couldn’t be mad when it was time to turn over the reins. People of God, we have to understand what part we are to handle on this journey. We cannot afford for the lines to be blurred by tasks and titles. We don’t have time for our desires to outshine that of God. We must decrease as He increase. If we don’t it becomes about us and not God. We have to decrease in order for God to increase, there is no other way. Do your part, handle your responsibilities but know where your place is because if I shall be honest, you cannot do anything worthy of God without God. You can try but I can guarantee it will not be the same.