Can I let you in on a secret? Well, it’s not really a secret but it’s something you may not know. While my mouth is full of praise, gratefulness and thanks to God for all He does for me, this isn’t the reason I serve Him. When I count up my blessings, I thank God. When I look at my family chain, I rejoice of God. When I open my eyes and can see, move my limbs and they work and check my senses and they are still intact; I praise God. But this is not the reason I serve God. No, the real reason I serve God is not for what He does/did but it’s for what He didn’t do. See, God didn’t turn His back on me the many times I turned mine on Him. God didn’t stop trusting me, with the little, even when I didn’t trust myself. God didn’t stop protecting me, even when I was doing stuff I knew wasn’t right. God didn’t close my mouth, even when it was filled with hurtful words toward folk. God didn’t snatch His gifts from my hands, even when I was using them unfavorably. God didn’t halt my walk even when I was in places I had no business being. God didn’t let me die in my sin even when I visited with it too many times to count. So you see, I don’t just serve God for His blessings but I serve Him because He didn’t banish me away when I was a backslider. I don’t serve God for His grace but I do because He didn’t hold a grudge against me even when I was guilty.
This is why I cannot be mad at people who treat me differently because they say I’ve changed, I have. I cannot be disappointed when I no longer get invited, my dance partner is different. I cannot be offended when people talk about me, it comes with the favor. Yes, there are times I want to hang out on Saturday nights but my Sunday mornings are not the same as yours. Yes, there are times I want to gossip but there are people who I need to pray for instead. Yes, there are times I don’t feel like being holy but it is part of my calling. There are days I don’t want to be spiritual but then I think about the many times God spared me. What I’m trying to tell you is, I owe God too much but it might be too much for you to get. Understand me, I still have flaws, I still say somethings I shouldn’t, I still shut down when I’m mad, I still curse, I still love my tattoos; in other words I’m still a natural being but I owe God. I owe Him for the ransom He paid when the enemy was holding me hostage. I owe God. I owe Him for the sacrifice of His Son who drank the majority of suffering meant for me. I owe God. I owe Him for what He didn’t allow to happen. I serve because … I owe God!
Lakisha, the Author 