Each time I hear news of another woman being murdered by the hands of someone who claimed to have loved them, my heart drops. Every time a child has to watch their mom die, in front of them, my soul aches. With every death, there is a yoke being attached to those left behind. A yoke bonding pain to love.
Love doesn’t hurt.
Sure, love can sometimes take you through trials, put you on a roller coaster ride of emotions or even cause you to do some stupid things; nonetheless, love shouldn’t hurt. Love should never give you the right to take another person’s life. Love shouldn’t give you the right to dictate, “if you can’t have me no one can.” Love isn’t bruises, black eyes, broken bones … love shouldn’t hurt like this and neither should it leave a person damaged or fearful of love.
Bible tells us in 1 John 4:18, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”
Yes, I’ve said some things that probably hurt more than words, then I had to learn how to govern my mouth. That started by treating folk how I want to be treated. Please understand, I’ve never been in a physically abusive relationship, so I will NEVER tell someone how to handle theirs. All I can do is imagine the fear running through the head of a mother who’s trying to protect children from the monster daddy becomes. All I can do is imagine how scared she is each time she hears his key in the door. All I can do is imagine the many times she’s replayed her leaving, over and over; only to hear a news story of how the justice system failed someone else, so she unpacks her bags.
Here’s what I can do. Pray without ceasing until God deals with every abuser and there are no more casualties. I can fast until the cycle of abuse is cleansed from bloodline. I can be the listening ear for those who don’t need judgment, but hope. I can be a place of refuge until she decides to leave for good. I can post devotional blogs, like this, with resources to help. Then I continue to pray, hoping they’ll find the strength, courage and stability to get out before it’s too late.
Love doesn’t hurt. Love isn’t fear. Love isn’t tearing me down. Love isn’t control. Love isn’t you forcefully trying to prove you’re a man or a woman. Let’s be clear, abuse goes both ways and this is why we’ve got to educate our children on what real love is and what’s acceptable and unacceptable in a relationship.
Love doesn’t hurt and if you’re in an abusive relationship (emotionally, physically, mentally, verbally, socially or any other), get help. I don’t want to see a hashtag precede your name. I don’t want you to be another statistic. If you need help, contact the local abuse shelter in your area, visit www.thehotline.org or call 1-800-799-SAFE(7233).
Midnight Prayer with Rev. Lakisha
I am in no way affiliated with the companies and websites listed below. I am providing them as a source of help for those who may need it.
If you’re in Memphis, contact Montoyia McGowan, LCSW – https://www.stoppingthechase.com/ | 901.273.3485
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1.800.273.8255
Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration – 1.800.662.4357
Find a Therapist: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
Black Virtual Therapist Directory – https://www.beam.community/bvtn
Therapy for Black Girls – https://therapyforblackgirls.com/