As I prepared to blog, this morning, I open Facebook, to see a post from my cousin. Her words said, “I couldn’t heal because I kept pretending, I wasn’t hurt! I’m no longer pretending!” Baby, if this won’t preach. Let me tell y’all something … you better open your mouth. You’re walking around dressed up, acting like you’re good when truthfully, you’re bleeding under your clothes. You get up, earlier, every day, to make sure your wounds and scars are covered because, God forbid, somebody finds out you’re human. You don’t want folk to know your relationship is really a situationship. You don’t want nobody to know, you’ve been a victim of abuse, low self-esteem, depression, suicidal thoughts, attempted suicide, broken promises, daddy issues and/or being taken advantage of by men or women. You sleep around because you’re afraid of being alone. Your words are harsh because you try to hurt folk before they hurt you, again. Beloved, you can’t heal because you keep pretending you aren’t hurt. Who are you?
There were times I’d be afraid of people knowing, the real me. Not anymore. I am, who I am and if you don’t know, let me tell you. My name is Lakisha Dionne Rucker Bloodworth Johnson. I used to be angry at our dead-beat dad who changed our last name but never took the time to raise us. I used to have bad credit, living paycheck to paycheck while robbing Peter to pay Paul, check advances, title loan, bankruptcy; all while serving in God’s house. I’ve been married for 21 years but it ain’t been all good, cause at one point he didn’t like me, and I couldn’t stand him, and it caused us both to be unfaithful and unhappy. I can go on, but the point is, I’ve made a lot of mistakes and I had to confess some stuff to be cleansed of it.
And somebody reading this, it’s time you owned your truth, too or you’ll dread opening your eyes, every morning, for having to fight another day with your present circumstances knocking the life out of you. Yea, I know, you’ve always been the strong one and now you’re too ashamed to show weakness because you think it might stain your image. You’ve been the encourager, for so long, that you don’t even recognize your need for encouragement. You’re always the one helping that you’ve yet to see it’s you who is now in need. You’re always the one feeding folk (physically and spiritually) that you can’t even hear your own stomach growling for nourishment. IT’S TIME … time for you to stop pretending and IT’S TIME … time you get healed.