Even through my grief, strains and struggles; I am still able to see the goodness of God. See, in granddaddy’s passing I’ve seen the goodness of him no longer struggling to live and I’ve seen the peace that grandma now has because she doesn’t have to worry about him anymore. In my struggling and daily strains, I see the goodness of my breakthrough coming, so I have no reason to complain. Even in the midst of being lied on by family, talked about for trying to do what is good and going when I don’t feel like going; I see the goodness of God’s strength holding me together. Yes, I am in awe of the awesomeness of this Man! He can hold without me feeling his arms around me, he can make me feel his presence when I’m lonely without walking into my room, he can wipe my tears without me feeling his hands, he can soothe my fears without me hearing his voice and he can sustain me without even depositing money into my bank account. Oh, when I tell you about this awesomeness; it’s not because I’ve read it on the internet, heard about it on TV, seen about it through someone else’s eyes but it because I am a living witness. No, I won’t say I’ve had moments when I thought suicide was the only way out or days when I’ve turned to drugs, alcohol or men but that doesn’t mean I haven’t had bad days. But I’ve lived long enough (in my 35 years) to know that whatever I’m going through could be 10 times worse. I know that the things we deal with raising teenage children could be worse because we could have buried a child like some parents have. I know that the stress of the job can sometime wear us out but we could be without one which means no steady income or insurance. I know the things we have to deal with when the car won’t start or tire is flat could be worse because we could be walking in 100 degree weather but we’re not. Yes, I am in awe of God’s awesomeness because he doesn’t have to share it with me but he does; he doesn’t have to love me like he do, but he does; he doesn’t have to see about me on my sad days, but he does; he doesn’t have to send the sun when I’m in my storm, but he does and he doesn’t have to give me eyes to see, legs to walk, a mouth that talks and ears that hears but he does! I don’t need advice on how to serve my God, I don’t need inspiration to wave my hand, I don’t need to be pumped and primed to praise Him because if He stops right now sending me blessings; I still couldn’t thank Him enough!
I suggest you take a moment to see the awesomeness of God in your life now, right now. Yea, I know you may be drinking tears for water, you may be missing the way your pillow feel because you can’t sleep, feet are tired from pacing, body is worn out from always working or mind is tired from trying to think of ways to pay Paul when you still need to pay Peter but just stop and look. There is a purpose for everything that we go through. Let me say it again, THERE IS A PURPOSE FOR EVERYTHING WE GO THROUGH. Yea, it’s Monday and folks have called in and left you to handle the work but God knew you could do it which is why he allowed you to get peaceful rest on last night. Yea, I know you only have $20 to hold you until Friday but God can make it where you’ll still have that same $20 bill on Friday when you get paid. Yea, I know you didn’t have the money to pay your tithes on Sunday like you wish you had but God knows. Stop wondering if you’re being punished because it seems like you’ve been in your storm too long; God may just have you hidden under the clouds until all the crap settles that hit the fan. I’ve told you before that when it seems like all Hell has broken loose, it’s just God shaking up the stuff around you and once it all settles down; the things that needs to be left will be there and the things that don’t, won’t be. Take a moment to look around and see the awesomeness of God in your situation because he may have the door open for you to walk through but you won’t see it until you look.
Lakisha, the Author 