Daily Devotional – 4/26/12 “Spare the rod if you want!”

There isn’t anything wrong with disciplining your child and whoever told you it was, lied. I know that maybe hard to believe or even hear but weren’t you disciplined as a child? Well? How’d you turn out? Now-a-days, we have parents who want a better life for their child, than what they had, so they try things differently from what their parents did but what was so wrong with the way you were raised? You may not have had name brand shoes but you had manners. You may not have had what you wanted to eat but you didn’t starve. You may not have had money to hang out with your friends when you wanted but you had morals and values. You might not have had the fanciest clothes to wear but you were never naked. So, was it all bad? Yea, you had to learn to clean the kitchen, wash clothes, take care of your brothers and sisters and cook early but aren’t you glad you did? Don’t get me wrong, I was guilty of that too but I had to wake up. I was spending so much time making sure the kids wanted for nothing that I missed teaching them that it’s not about what you want but what you need. See, when we were growing up my momma was a single mom raising, at the time, 4 girls and she worked a lot which means we had to handle the house when she wasn’t there. When my brothers came along, we helped to raise them because she couldn’t do it on her own, she needed help. While she worked, we became the women of the house; cooking, cleaning and taking care of them. We never missed a meal and we were never without what we needed, maybe without what we wanted but never what we needed. Folks sometimes are amazed to know that we grew up in the projects of North Memphis, but guess what; we had the most fun in those projects because they were home. We enjoyed getting to know our neighbors, hanging out on a Friday night, getting up early Saturday with all the doors opened in the house with the music playing while we cleaned and walking to the store on Sunday morning for Momma’s newspaper and cold cuts, crackers and chips to eat. We went to school because we didn’t have a choice, we didn’t talk back because we had respect, we didn’t fight amongst ourselves because we all had the same thing and when we got into trouble, we got our butts whooped because we knew better.

Now, you let the kids roll their eyes, stomp off, slam doors, talk back, hang up the phone in your face, act out in school (and then you go and act a plum fool), go and do whatever they want, see whoever they want, come in when they want, eat what they want, wear what they want and then you have the nerve to say, “I just want them to have better than what I had.” Baby, please! The bible says in Proverbs 29:15, “To discipline a child produces wisdom, but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child.” See, the child isn’t the one looking bad when they are acting up in the middle of a grocery store or being disrespectful at school, it’s the parent. If you start at home, instilling fear in them, they’ll take it with them when they are in public. Think back on a time you cut up with your mom in public and the remembered what she did. My grandmother says, “Wherever they act up at is where you get them.” If we acted up in church, we got disciplined in church and if we acted up in the store, we got disciplined in the store. Our parents and grandparents had no problem getting us back in line. But no, not now! We, as “new age” parents have the game all wrong. We got the nerve to say, “do it again and see if I won’t get you.” What the…! Why are they getting a second chance to talk back when they should be holding their lips from the sting of your hand? “Girl, slam that door again and see if I don’t come in there!” Are you serious? If I would have attempted to slam a door, I would have been picking up the door after I picked myself up. We allow children to talk back when they don’t like what we say, we go get them fast food if they don’t like what we cook, we allow them to get away with doing nothing in school and then we spend the time trying to get them back on track. Yea, keep on sparing the rod if you want.

Now, I’m not saying whoop the children all day everyday but what I am saying is that sometimes you have to beat the hell out of them because they act like that’s what is in them. Proverbs 29:17 says, “Discipline your children, and they will give you peace of mind and will make your heart glad.” Will they always give you peace, no, but that’s why mistakes are to be learned from. Will they always make your heart glad, no, but that’s why we have prayer. There’s nothing wrong with having an open and honest relationship with your child or children but know when to draw the line. Let them know that you’re their parent first and friend second. Don’t parent them when it’s convenient for you, but parent all the time and then be a convenient friend. Allow them a venting session to say whatever it is they need to say without them getting in trouble but only give them a small amount of time and then it’s over. Stop discussing grown folks business in front of them and it doesn’t matter that they are 17, if they don’t contribute to paying the bills then they should be a part of discussing how to make ends meet and if they don’t buy groceries, then they shouldn’t decide what the menu is for dinner. If you and your spouse are having issues, deal with them behind closed doors and don’t raise your voice to allow them to hear what you’re saying. If you are co-parenting with the other parent whose in a different household, don’t talk negative about the other one and definitely don’t discuss business in front of the child. You have to wonder why your child doesn’t respect her daddy when you keep telling her that her daddy isn’t anything. Yea, he may not have been anything to you but to her he’s her daddy. You don’t know why your child follows the rules at your house and then cuts up at his mom’s, well, it maybe because you say stuff like, “Your mom may let you get away with that over there but not in my house,” when you should be discipline his butt for both houses if she can’t.

If they need discipline, give it to them because it didn’t kill you and you had it much worse. Proverbs 23:13 says, “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.” If they need to be punished, do it! If they can’t go to school and do what they are supposed to do, then they don’t need a cellphone. If they are disrespectful and not minding in your face, they don’t need Facebook. If they can’t follow directions, then they don’t need to be following anybody on Twitter and if they can’t tell the time and be home before curfew they shouldn’t be going anywhere. Stop giving in so quickly, if you say 2 days stick to it. Don’t think because your child is mad now at the way you are they will always be because although they don’t appreciate it now, they will. If you build them up on a solid foundation, no matter what they go through and they will have to go through some things, it’ll always remain!